They've Already Won

Our Secret Overlords: Chapter One

Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps someone has already taken over the world? I mean, if I ever wanted to take over the world, the best way to ensure that my world reign remains unchallenged would be to ensure that nobody knew I was actually in charge. I would pull the strings of the world’s governments through proxies and intermediates, being sure to stay in the shadows, so that nobody would know who I am or where I operate, and thus no James Bond wannabe could ever be able to topple my world dominance.

Or perhaps, the smarter thing to do would be to operate out in the open – but in such a way that my global supremacy is unrecognizable and unnoticeable. It is there - but nobody actually notices it.

Imagine if there did exist, such a secret overlord. How would we be able to tell? If there were such a person who could rule the world and yet conceal himself or herself so effectively, we would be the helpless puppets of that overlord's strings, rendered even more helpless because of our ignorance. And if another secret overlord were to arise in this overlord-controlled world, someone who could, unknowingly, break free of the reigning secret overlord's grasp, to rise to power and seize the world's reins without anybody - not even the first overlord - noticing it, why then we would have two secret overlords, each unaware of the other.

And you know what? I think all of this has been done. It's happened many times before - and is happening even now. Our overlords are already here. They’ve already won, the world belongs to them – and we are barely cognizant of it. They have embedded their power so strongly upon us that we have accepted and surrendered and even welcomed their reign without even realizing what they’ve done.

Because James Bond can’t blow up a fashion trend. James Bond doesn’t know how to deal with short-selling, or Hollywood, or an expensive cup of coffee, or the purchasing power of teenage girls. Our secret overlords haven’t conquered us with their armies, or a diabolical, hyper-advanced superweapon, or even some clandestine conspiracy. They’ve conquered us with their wealth and influence, their savvy business plans, their sleek brands and logos, their aggressive marketing strategies. They are everywhere. They’re on television and radio, on billboards and bus stands, on blogs and ad banners. They bombard us with their musical jingles, their symbols, their celebrity representatives, their blockbuster movies. We give them our money and they make us happy, and entertained, and complacent. They tell us what to watch and what to eat and what to wear and what to think and what we know.

And who are we to them? Do not fool yourself into thinking you are safe because you are beneath their notice. Oh no, oh no. They know who you are and what you do, and more importantly, what you purchase. You are important to them. Their reigns are dependent on our forbearance and accommodation, something that we give them freely. Unthinkingly.

It's their world that we live in. And why not? We gave it to them.

The List

Based on astonishingly meticulous research and staggeringly in-depth analysis (or, alternatively, arbitrarily selected on a whim), I have a compiled a list of the overlords who secretly control our lives - I'm watching you, secret overlord. I know who you are.

The list is too long to be put here, and I wouldn't be able to do it justice if I did. But do not fear. One by one, I will out these secret overlords, and reveal them as the earth-shattering global tyrants with terrifying powers that they are (doesn't that sound like a reaaaaally good idea?)!

We shall begin with that most insidious and nefarious of entities...




That's right! The evil of Blogspot is such that...

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And... we're back!

Sorry about that, folks. Where was I? Oh yes, this post, which in truth is nothing but a harmless, hilarious joke that has no connection whatsoever with reality. Let us laugh: Ha ha, ha ha! Any of the individuals, organizations and/or otherworldly malevolent beings that I have or have not implicated in this post are most definitely not our secret overlords, but rather our good, compassionate friends who seek to help and enrich our lives in any way they can, incurring only the smallest of cost from us! Rejoice, rejoice that we live in such a golden and glorious era of happiness and joyousness!

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